Interview with Relationship Coach Lorna McCarty

Lorna McCarty, M.Ed., is a determined, driven, and committed Relationship Coach dedicated to helping women save their marriages by finding the real causes of the problems in their relationship and working with them to build a thriving, lasting connection. As a Relationship Success Strategist she has helped women with relationship related issues for the past 18 years. She believes in the importance of family and the commitment of being, and staying in a marriage.

Lorna earned a professional coach certification in 2010 from the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching, accredited by the International Federation of Coaches (ICF). She is an ELI-MP (Energy Leadership Index Master Practitioner), has a Masters’ in Education, with 15+ years of experience teaching grade school through high school and training students to become teacher on the university level.

She is a Speaker and former television News Anchor/ Medical reporter, with a degree in Broadcast Communications. Most recently she became a published author for “Dare to be Authentic, Learning to Love Yourself.”

Lorna’s knowledge in the areas of Energy Leadership has been recognized from her interviews on Google Hangouts and Internet Radio. Known for her direct approach, Lorna is dedicated to getting her clients back on track to live the life and love they desire.

Lorna is the Founder of Phoenix Rising Relationship Coaching based in Reno, Nevada. She is happily married after 27 years of marriage and has two adult children. For free online relationship tips and how to articles you can find Lorna at www.PhoenixRisingRelationships.com/blog. You can follow her also on Twitter @LornaMcCarty10 and get a FREE GIFT at: http://www.PhoenixRisingRelationships.com/FreeGift

Karin Schroeck-Singh: Lorna, how does it feel to help people solve their relationship problems?

Lorna McCarty: It feels wonderful! The process of coaching challenges people to focus on what they really want. It also helps them recognize and break through to what is holding them back from manifesting success, so they can achieve extraordinary and sustainable results.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: What are the most positive aspects in your job as a relationship coach?

Lorna McCarty: First, no two persons experience the world in the same way. This makes my job very interesting. Each of us experiences life through our own filter that comes from our personal history. With that in mind, people come with their own set of challenges, values, desires and varying levels of willingness to change their lives for the better. These characteristics make each encounter different and thought provoking.

Another positive aspect in the work I do, I never leave a session without growing and learning from it.

As a coach, it is my goal to communicate effectively and ask powerful questions that move a person toward what they desire, helping them discover new thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions that strengthen their ability to take action and to achieve what is important to them.

When this happens, this makes coaching very exciting!

Karin Schroeck-Singh: What are the most negative aspects of your profession as a relationship coach?

Lorna McCarty: I work with women who want to save their marriage, their relationships. I provide results that make this possible. The most negative aspect of this appears when I work with individuals who are controlled by their limiting beliefs, assumptions, and obstacles that they allow to stop them from making the changes needed to experience a rewarding life with their partner. It is my job to help them make positive changes that support a more rewarding existence.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: You became a published author for the book, “Dare to be Authentic, Learning to Love Yourself.” What are the best take aways from this book, and why should people buy it?

Lorna McCarty: Dare to be Authentic, Learning to Love Yourself is the second in a series about experiencing what living an authentic life can bring. The book is a collection of true stories written by a number of contributing authors. Each share their personal story of their struggle with self-love. Each story is a lesson in life. And despite the pain each individual writer portrays in their story, there are many happy endings.

This is a book that will inspire you to keep going when you would rather give up. Everyone should have a copy on their book shelf to remind themselves of their own uniqueness, your contributions to others, and your value.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: What are the three most important lessons you have learned in your career as a relationship coach?

Lorna McCarty:

# 1 — If you want to grow in any capacity in your life, you take on the responsibility of being accountable for yourself and deliver on your promises. If you can follow through by answering the following questions you will make progress in the goals you make for yourself.

• What is it that you will do?
• By when?
• How can I (as the coach) hold you to that?

# 2 — I learned long ago that respect can only be part of your reality, if you choose to truly listen to each other. Couples who truly listen to each other and also are active in their acknowledgement of each other will have the most powerful form of communication.

# 3 — When we are stressed, feeling pressed for time, we’re over-worked, and we become restless with our day to day existence, it is a common action to express that our lives are out of balance.

But what we are really saying is that we feel out of control.

Instead of being the victims of our circumstances, we need to be responsible for the choices we make. A coach helps people to be more empowered so they can make better choices.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: What are the qualities that a relationship coach should bring to the table?

Lorna McCarty: There are many qualities that a Relationship Coach should bring to the table. Here are just a few. Start with being curious. You have to be comfortable with asking questions to get to know someone on a deeper level. A Relationship Coach should be non-judgmental. And it is important to be supportive and an active listener. A good Relationship Coach should be a great communicator, be open-minded, considerate, creative, and be action oriented.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: What are the different coaching options that you offer, and what are the fees?

Lorna McCarty: Before I ever discuss coaching options and fees to a prospect it is key to only accept someone into my world, who wants my services and they also are crystal clear as to what will happen for them. We agree first, to a result or outcome that is intended to come from the time we are together. Here is a quote I keep in my mind when I make an offer to a prospective client. “You can only make an offer up to the level of trust that you’ve built.” If the prospect doesn’t trust you then there won’t be an offer. Also the prospect must trust themselves that it is the right decision to get the help they need. That help ranges from introductory sessions to breakthrough coaching to long term coaching.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: Who was your most challenging client so far? What was the issue and how did you solve it? Any interesting and memorable episode you would be prepared to share with my audience?

Lorna McCarty: The most challenging clients are those that have preconceived notions about what coaching should be like, versus what they will get from the relationship. Not every person is willing to make the effort to shed those preconceived notions. My most challenging client was unwilling to discuss her limiting beliefs and creating a no win situation for her.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: What would be the best educational path in order to become a professional relationship coach?

Lorna McCarty: I became a certified professional Relationship Coach in 2010 after graduating from an intense program through IPEC (The Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching). I am an accredited coach by the International Coach Federation. I highly recommend IPEC to anyone to wants to be a professional Life Coach, Business Coach or Executive Coach. IPEC has helped over 7,000 graduates launch their coaching careers.

They have a proven-process starting with an exclusive Core Energy Coaching™ Process: a robust interdisciplinary method pioneered and taught ONLY at IPEC. And they provide more than just coach training. They prepare you for the future with a proven business development system and they are there for ongoing support.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: Do you think schools should include at some stage in their curriculum lessons on things such as: finding the right partner, how to plan and organize their wedding, relationship management, parenting, and how to get divorced?

Lorna McCarty: Yes, I agree whole heartedly. We teach sex education to our children when they reach 6th grade in the public school system, so why not educate them on being better prepared for life as adults. I would include balancing a checkbook and living on a budget, how to stay out of debt, learning how to write a resume, how to interview for a job, the importance of waiting to get married until you are old enough to provide for yourself. Teach skills to parent and teach the grave responsibility of having children, and being a role model for them. Learning effective communication skills and being a better listener in your relationships should also be stressed, to prevent future issues couples face to help put a stop to the rising divorce rate in the United States.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: I have many acquaintances and friends who are either in their 40s and single, or divorced. To me it looks as if the new normality would be to either not get married in the first place or to get divorced (quickly and easily). Do you notice a similar trend in the US and what do you think is the main cause for relationships falling apart? Do people want to be more independent and free, do they feel stressed or depressed, or do you see other reasons for it?

Lorna McCarty: It seems there is a trend to divorce instead of staying together as a married couple. We live in a stressful world and these are not easy times to be married or to raise a family. Values are so important to be taught in the home and when a mother and father can’t maintain love in their own relationship and role model to their children the goodness of family, children become less inclined to want to get married, or even to have their own families one day. I believe there is more selfishness in our world today. Many people are more apt to put their needs first rather than the needs of others. We live in an age of the quick fix for instant gratification. When we don’t receive it, we look to the next bright shiny object to satisfy our needs.

Relationships are falling apart more easily because no one wants to put the effort in to save a relationship. The whole idea of working hard to maintain a relationship is just not the priority it used to be.

I think there are still many women and men who want to get married and not just live together. However, we have become more of a society that is ok with people living together, whether they are gay or straight, there is more of an acceptance of trying each other on first before making it a legal and binding marriage.

And often those who live together first, will outgrow each other and they may never make it to the altar. Others live together for years and say they don’t need a piece of paper to say they are married.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: Social Media has surely changed many aspects of our social as well as professional life. The American Academy of Matrimonial lawyers for example reported that 81% of its attorneys found an increase in divorce cases due to the use of social networking sites. Facebook makes it apparently easier to get caught, but also to cheat. Have you ever been approached by clients whose relationship suffered due to the kind of activities on social media sites?

Lorna McCarty: I have not been approached by clients whose relationship suffered due to the kind of activities you mentioned on social media sites. However, I do believe there is a thrill factor that many experience when they participate in internet social media relationships. Perhaps it is the whole idea of seeing how long they can get away with having a relationship with someone who is far enough away from their own personal commitments. Or they just may feel that what they are doing, is OK. They may also feel that they are playing safe on the internet, while playing games with someone’s heart. While all along they are in this state of denial that what they are doing is not cheating on their spouse or partner. I think many people who get involved with social media relationships truly don’t believe they are doing anything wrong. They justify what they do as if it’s just innocent fun and it adds spice to the life of their current, dull relationship, or marriage.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: That’s a really interesting observation Lorna! Now please share the three tips of advice you as a relationship coach would give to your own children when it comes to managing their partnerships.

Lorna McCarty: Tip #1: Be willing to forgive. We all make mistakes and some of those mistakes are more difficult to forgive than others. It is easy to say the words, “I forgive you,” but can you truly let go of the pain that is behind your hurt? Letting go will give you the peace you need to carry on and live your life with great strength.

Tip #2: Life is short, live it to the fullest, by honoring your spouse every day. Show them kindness and always laugh, and when you laugh together, laugh long, and hard.

Tip #3: Do not live in fear and get caught up in self- doubt. Life can be abundant. Open your heart and your mind to the possibilities and stop worrying about not having enough to survive. This only brings negative energy into a relationship and unnecessary stress. Have faith, work hard and trust that life will be good.

Karin Schroeck-Singh: Very good points! Let’s say you have such a high demand from your clients that you can’t handle it alone anymore and you would have to hire another relationship coach for your team. What are the 5 questions you would ask the candidate during an interview in order to find out if s/he is the right fit?

Lorna McCarty: Question #1: What has been your biggest achievement in your most recent job. What were your results, and why are you so proud of this accomplishment?

Question #2: Tell me about a people problem you faced when working on the job. How did you handle it, and how successful were you?

Question #3: Tell me about a project you were in charge of that didn’t succeed and why it didn’t?

Question #4: Can you tell me about a project you managed from start to finish?

Question #5: Have you managed workers on the job, and helped them set goals to achieve higher performance? How did you handle this situation?

Karin Schroeck-Singh: Thank you very much Lorna for sharing your insights, experiences and advice with my audience. Your precious time is highly appreciated.

Don’t miss the opportunity to check out Lorna’s video:

If you know someone who could also benefit from this interview, please feel free to share it. I would appreciate. Thanks!